Well, what can I say. I know it’s been a while since my last blog but things went a bit squirelly around here for a while. Short story long I got up a couple o weeks ago (might have been yesterday or the day before) and low and behold the head honcho around here had done a runner. What’s a dog to think when suddenly the source of all wisdom has disappeared. At first I thought maybe she’d been kidnapped, I mean you here about these things don’t you, head hunters and the like, but then I thought naaaaaa what use is a head to anyone. Too make it worse the other one she’s always yakking to was nowhere to be seen either. Well, I can tell you I wasn’t best pleased, yeah yeah they might be in trouble but what about my dinner and walks and treats and all that good stuff. So off I goes to round up the gang and get a search party together.
First thing we searched for was a stand in hooman to get some grub. Then we organised a search pattern and set off in all the compass directions we could remember from puppy school. After what seemed like days we could hear the stand in hooman shouting dinner so we gave up looking under the dead leaves at the other end of the garden and high tailed it back for a bite to eat, this searching business can wear a chap out if he’s not careful. Then, while we were busy checking each others bowls to make sure no one had left anything, I heard the stand in hooman talking to someone on that thing they stick to their ears now and then. Blow me down, roll me over and tickle me if she didn’t say the bosses name. You could have knocked me over with a feather but seems they hadn’t been kidnapped at all they’d been of chasing fungus in some place called gerolla. Don’t ask! I don’t really know that much hooman but it seems to be a place for birds, at least flying was mentioned I heard that, and it was hot.
Well, when I told the gang you can imagine the howlin we did that night. I mean to say, we’re getting up in the mornings to crispy white stuff on the grass and hard water (bloody slippery that stuff is I can tell ya a dogs gotta watch his paws) and they’re somewhere hot … HOT! I ask yer. So off we went to find the stand in hooman again and give her a piece our mind. When we’d been shoutin at her for about a day, or ten minutes, not sure which we’re not great with time (you try winding a clock when you’ve got 4 legs and no fingers), she told us that the Boss and the deputy had gone on something called a “holiday” cause they hadn’t had one in yonks (know I don’t know what a yonk is either).
I thought to meself the dozy pair of beggars why didn’t they just stay here. This is a camp for resting up and being spoilt when you’re a bit down on your luck when all’s said and done. Anyway, they’ll be back again soon seems they’ve only gone for a week, that’s about a year and half in real time I think.
So, now I’ve got that off me chest I must get you’se all up to speed on the latest gossip from around the yard …. Hang on a tic …..
what do you mean Freddies gone again. He got through what? The wire thingummy … no no no you dolt he’s gone with the spare hooman to get his foot seen to. I know he’s not happy, means he’ll have to do his fair share of the work in future lazy git that he is.
Sorry about that everyone bit of a kerfuffle up the other end of the yard, I’d best go explain things to them before they start a fight — again.
I’ll be back